By Rav Mosheh Lichtenstein
Shiur 13: Sota 14a
with providing me for the sources about Deuteronomy, including the pasuk and the Sifrei on it.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
According to Brachot, "Anyone who says something in the name of the one who originally said it brings redemption to the world".
So I would like to credit the Israel Koschitsky Virtual Beit Midrash, from Yeshivat Har Etzion, GEMARA SOTA 5761
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Procrastination
Faced with a daunting list of errands and a cold breeze, I have two choices: Go outside, or blog. I have chosen to blog.
There are two types of gender issues, that sometimes - but not always -overlap: 1. Things that bother me or I am interested in theoretically 2. Things that I am interested in or bother me because they affect my daily life.
I usually try to blog about the former, rather than open my life up to the interwebz - in part because this blog is not completely anonymous.
But I was thinking today about something that bothers me in my daily life, that I think is a general problem that affects many women: I am (I think) a pretty good person to approach about guy problems - or at the very least, my return record is good, such that people who approach me for advice once tend to come back.
I am however, a lot less good at following my own advice. Things like "allow yourself to feel whatever you want to feel", which I must tell my friends a hundred times a day, just don't ring true when I am standing there judging myself. Part of this is due to the general axiom that it is easier to say than to do.
Part of it however, has to do with the gendered way in which I was raised: My parents are lovely human beings. They look after elderly people with no relatives, donate food and clothing to the homeless on a regular basis, etc.
However, my mother is Brazilian, and there are different expectations there that are placed on women: I have been raised to be perfect for a man - to change my hairstyle every month, to go to the salon every week, to keep a neat household - and, most importantly - to cook meat. I have been taught that men expect and deserve perfection, and anything else not only is unbecoming of me as a woman, but also may lead my man to find greener pastures.
I have consciously ditched most of these axioms: I have no patience for fancy hairstyles or salons, keep a slightly messy yet incredibly clean (I can not go to bed if there are dirty dishes in the sink. It just does not happen.) apartment, and would much rather cook chicken.
I am also a relatively confident person, and certainly not the type to wonder about if someone is cheating; thank God, I have never been in a situation where the thought even occurred to me. (This might say more about the guys I've dated than it says about me.)
But somehow, there are moments when I go afraid, because I see the standard of perfection and realize that I fall short. In such moments, I do not grow afraid of a man "finding someone else", but I grow afraid of not being the woman I need to be in order to build a relationship.
As much as I'd love to blame my mother, I think a large part of this fear has to do with pop culture: As a woman, I am surrounded by magazines (which admittedly I haven't read since I'm thirteen, but I see the covers) that tell me how to be perfect for a man - and the implication is, "Be perfect. Or else."
A male friend of mine gave me much saner advice: "Just be real." He then reminded me that being our real selves is part of the teshuva (repentance) process: This reminded me of a rabbinic legend, taught to me by my Bible teacher, Ms. Weinstein, that Adam, the first man, was created out of the* dust from the earth of the land of Israel. Thus, when God tells Abraham to go to Israel, He says "Lech lecha", got to yourself, because by going to Israel, Abraham is literally going to himself, i.e. going back to the physical origin of himself as a human being.
To me, worship of God should be a constant journey of "lech lecha", of going towards oneself, of becoming who one wants to be. I also think that if we are created in the image of God, it makes sense that worshipping God would be such a journey, for in doing so, we are developing the godliness within ourselves.
That is why, in Isaiah 55:6, which is customarily read on fast days, it says: "Seek the Lord in His being found, call upon Him in His being near."
God is always near; it is in His** being near - i.e., always - that we should feel comfortable calling upon Him.
The chapter goes on in verse 7 to say, "A wicked man will leave his path, and a man of iniquity his thoughts, and return to God who will have mercy on him, and will return to God who will abundantly forgive."
I believe that this verse hints to the fact that God implanted in man a spark of godliness; this spark constantly yearns to do good, and constantly seeks to connect to the main fire (i.e. God), and it is because of this that God is always near and that people will repent - for God created humans in such a way that to be good and connect to God is merely to return to themselves, to who they want to be as human beings.
In chapter 1 of Isaiah, God explicitly says: "10:Hear the word of the LORD, ye rulers of Sodom; give ear unto the law of our God, ye people of Gomorrah. 11 To what purpose is the multitude of your sacrifices unto Me? saith the LORD; I am full of the burnt-offerings of rams, and the fat of fed beasts; and I delight not in the blood of bullocks, or of lambs, or of he-goats. 12 When ye come to appear before Me, who hath required this at your hand, to trample My courts? 13 Bring no more vain oblations; it is an offering of abomination unto Me; new moon and sabbath, the holding of convocations--I cannot endure iniquity along with the solemn assembly. 14 Your new moons and your appointed seasons My soul hateth; they are a burden unto Me; I am weary to bear them. 15 And when ye spread forth your hands, I will hide Mine eyes from you; yea, when ye make many prayers, I will not hear; your hands are full of blood. 16 Wash you, make you clean, put away the evil of your doings from before Mine eyes, cease to do evil; 17 Learn to do well; seek justice, relieve the oppressed, judge the fatherless, plead for the widow. {S} 18 Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD; though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool."
The purpose of the sacrifices was to help people actualize their godly spark. This actualization occurs through mitzvoth ben adam lechaveiro, interpersonal interactions. If the sacrifices are not helping that process of actualization, they are merely a waste of animal blood.***
I believe that the proof that this spark of godliness is how one interacts with others can be seen from the writings of the rabbis. In Deuteronomy 11: 22 it says, "For if ye shall diligently keep all this commandment which I command you, to do it, to love the LORD your God, to walk in all His ways, and to cleave unto Him". The Sifrei, a collection of Aramaic rabbinic writings, explains what it means to walk in God's ways and cleave to Him: "just as He is merciful, so too you should be merciful; just as He is gracious, so too you should be gracious."
Thus, assuming that cleaving to God means actualizing one's godly spark (tzelem Elokim) and that cleaving to God means acting kindly and mercifully towards human beings just as God acts kindly and mercifully towards human beings, then actualizing one's godly spark and journeying towards oneself means acting kindly and mercifully towards others.
I believe that is also part of why Judaism has so many metaphors about romantic relationships and one's relationship with God:The fountain of love is kindness. This applies to both romantic love and to love for God; in both kindness is essential to building the relationship.
That is why, when in Genesis chapter 24, when Eliezer looks for a wife to Isaac, he does not look for a monotheist: Instead, he looks for someone who is kind, as evidenced by her willingness to give his camels water. Eliezer understood that kindness was the root of both marriage and a relationship with God, and thus was the most important quality he could search for.
I think this view, of love based on kindness, is much healthier than the love based on perfection that is toted by Cosmo, because no human is perfect, but many people are kind.
I hope that this upcoming year is one in which we all actualize "lech lecha", the process of journeying towards our true selves and being who we want to be. May it be a year of health, wealth, and happiness.
* I am relating this story for the spiritual value. It says nothing about my attitude towards the Big Bang and evolution.
** I am using "His" because English has no gender-neutral pronoun. God has no gender.
*** Interesting thought: If societies take out their aggression on animals, does that limit the aggression they practice on human beings? Not that I consider sacrifices to be taking out aggression, God forbid, though I do believe in the Maimonidean view that the third temple won't have sacrifices.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
This blog does have the word "Judaism" in the title for a reason.
I figured since I am scheduling my blogging around Jewish holidays, perhaps I should offer a few words about the upcoming Jewish holiday season:
Judaism uses a lunar calendar, which is offset by leap years every four years in order to make sure that holidays are tied into the solar cycle as well. This keeps the spring holidays in spring, the fall ones in fall, etc. This separates the Jewish calendar from the Muslim calendar, which is completely lunar, so Ramaddan may be in summer one year and in winter ten years later. Christians of course, as well as the secular Western world, use the Gregorian calendar, which is solar.
The month of Ellul is the last month of the year. It is one of preparation for the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashana, which starts on the first of the month of Tishrey. The New Year is about celebration, but it is also about self-reflection and evaluating one's goals for the next year. It is also a time of praying to God that one be granted a sweet new year.
10 days after the New Year, there is Yom Kippur, the day of atonement. It is a 25-hour fast day in which one spends most of one's time in synagogue, repenting for one's sins.
Then there is the holiday of Sukkot, the feast of tabernacles. This holiday celebrates that the Jews dwelt in huts in the desert. It also celebrates that God watches over the Jewish people. During this holiday, one is commanded to be extremely happy, and to eat meals in a commemorative hut. The holiday is 7 days (8 outside of Israel). Hoshana Rabbah is the second-to-last day of the holiday, and is a special time for prayer. Shemini Atzeret, the last day of sukkot, which is supposed to be the height of joy where one celebrates like crazy.
Those are the Elul-Tishrey holidays in a nutshell. After sukkot, there are no more holidays until Chanuka, which is in the Jewish month of Kislev. The New Year holidays always fall out in the fall season.
I love these holidays. I think it is very healthy to have a certain time each year set aside for self-reflection and renewal. These holidays are also a chance to make amends in relationships with people; it is customary to ask forgiveness of one's friends and family before Yom Kippur.
Ellul
Before I start writing, I must confess I am listening to incredibly objectifying Lation dance-music.
Now that that's out of the way: I apologize to my readers. I know I haven't seriously blogged in a while. As some of you may know, I am currently engaged in shifting my life 6,000 miles, and such shifts leave little room for the lovely blogosphere.
I am currently in Jerusalem, and can feel the breeze from my terrace climb up my legs. It is the Jewish month of Ellul - a month about new beginnings and reaching our full potential. During this time, I believe it is proper to be critical of oneself, but not to be critical of others.
Most of my blog-posts are critiques of society; most often, they are critiques of the society I have grown up in. Between now and Hoshana Rabba, I would like to give that community the benefit of the doubt, and to try to refrain from excessively criticizing. This will most likely lead to fewer blog posts, but sometimes the art of silence is as keen as the art of words.
I thank you all for reading this blog, and wish you all a happy and healthy new year in which you become the person you want to be.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Links
Ok, I am having a problem posting links. I got the new mac-areobook, not because I care on splurging for garageband and iPhoto, but because it was the lightest laptop I could find. I am having trouble adjusting to the mousepad however, and as a result, did a weird thing where my computer does not show me the urls of sites that I visit. If anyone has advice for how to fix it, I'd really appreciate it. In the meantime however, I am linking what I can, and providing google-able titles for what I can't, before the number of links I want to share accumulates beyond comprehension.
There is an interesting article from Slate.com by Brian Palmer, entitled "The Captain Requests That All Zippers Be Returned to the Upright Position"
How are flight attendants supposed to deal with fornicating passengers?
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Beauty and discrimination
http://www.slate.com/id/2302762/
The views expressed by Ms. Hakim really bother me. There is no denying that discrimination based on "beauty" (by which I mean the false standards of beauty imposed on society by Western media) exists, but to say that such discrimination is justifiable because it's part of human nature is ridiculous. By that logic, racism and sexism are justifiable, as is murder - because all are part of "human nature". Yet, paradoxically, what defines human beings is an ability to overcome their nature - i.e. the ability to overcome human nature is part of human nature. As a society, we must strive for an ideal, rather than accept current societal problems as inevitable.
That being said, I do not think one needs to be a martyr for the cause. Given that there is discrimination, it is ok to dress up for a job interview, rather than come in un-dolled up in order to prove a point: that one's appearances say nothing about one's qualifications.
I think discriminating based on beauty is especially problematic: When it comes to education, the socio-economic status one is born in to determines the ease with which one can acquire the proper credentials for high-power jobs, but while those opportunities are harder for certain people to come by - and unfairly so - at least one can argue that extreme will-power and dedication allow one to overcome those obstacles, and achieve education despite an impoverished background. In other words, personal choice plays a large role in one's educational credentials. When it comes to beauty, while one can choose to dress "nicely" and take good care of one's body, at the end of the day, one has the physical traits one is born with, and short of plastic surgery, there isn't much one can do about it. I sincerely hope no one advocates people getting plastic surgery in order to get a certain appearance that is necessary for financial (or other) success.
Such a dystopian society reminds me of the Twilight Zone episode "The Eye of the Beholder". I am not a horror fan, but this episode is beautifully poignant, and not scary. It is considered one go the best TZ episodes by critics. Thanks to Mr. Sandomir for introducing me to it in middle school.
I am posting links to it below:
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Hmm
I wanted to share these links:
This one is about police line-ups, but very relevant if you, like me, are addicted to SVU:
I am a big fan of legalizing and regulating prostitution. As with abortion, outlawing it will not prevent it from happening. Legalizing it however, a) allows the government to tax it b) allows the government to regulate it. This means a) testing for prostitutes b) perhaps even allowing certain prostitutes or brothels to refuse customers who do not present valid proof of being STD free c) maybe an age minimum for customers d) ensuring all brothels practice safe sex. This also prevents customers from taking advantage of, physically abusing, or raping prostitutes, since they can turn to the police. Currently, a prostitute whose client stiffs her or even rapes her may be afraid of going to the police, since technically she was engaged in a criminal activity when the client committed a crime against her (or him. There are male prostitutes. There are also female clients. There is also homosexual prostitution.) A friend pointed out, that in the US, prostitutes are put in jail, but the customers get off scott free, when in fact, they should be penalized for engaging in an illegal transaction. The current system is the equivalent of criminalizing the drug dealer but letting the drug user get off scott free. This definitely has a sexist component, since most prostitutes in the US are women and most clients are men.
That being said, I think this town might be going about things the wrong way:
This article's about religious Jews writing poetry in Israel - I couldn't resist sharing:
This article is about a movie by an Iranian woman that explores gender and sexuality:
10 Mistresses Who Changed History: http://www.slate.com/slideshow/doublex/ten-mistresses-who-changed-history#slide_1
I would like to thank the following article for: a) covering male-victim rape b) covering female-agressor rape, which can happen to men and women (men can also be raped by men, which is why a does not equal b) c) saying that "If Bucher's telling the truth, and frankly his story sounds plausible, especially with the corroborating evidence, then it sounds like he's butting up against another dangerous rape myth, which is that the presence of physical arousal or even orgasm during a sexual encounter means that the victim is consenting. This assumption has been held against many rape victims, both male and female, but it underestimates how much the combination of fear, biological stimulus, and confusion can work together to create physical response in people who are otherwise non-consenting."
An article about an influential woman in the Christian right who spent a year following the laws of the Bible literally: http://www.slate.com/id/2302892/
An inspiring article about the lives of people in Israel with HIV:
Apology
I feel like I haven't made a serious post in a while, and I owe my readers an apology. This has been for a few reasons:
1. Lack of Time
2. When I made this blog, it was because I felt I had a lot to say on this subject, and wanted to share it with friends. My assumption was that only my close friends would need it, so there was no need for anonymity, especially since it wouldn't focus on my personal life. I think this assumption was correct - this blog is read mostly by my close friends. (If you are a stranger - hi, nice to virtually meet you. Thanks for reading :) ). However, many of my gender-and-Judaism thoughts lately have been related to intensely personal experiences, including (but not limited to) dreams and periods - not things I am exactly comfortable sharing non-anonymously on the internet.
This makes me wonder if my holding back is unfair to the reader, and if I should be more open. On the other hand, I need to prioritize my own sense of emotional security, and having certain things flying in cyberspace, even on the DL, is a little bit scary.
3. I have many academic works I want to shorten, serialize, and turn into blog posts. This takes time - which brings me back to reason 1.
Thanks for putting up with me. Bli neder, I hope more meaningful posts will follow. Shavua tov.
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