Periods. How exciting.

I want to write about what it's like to have my period, because I think it's not talked about enough. Girls are told to keep quiet; it's ok to say "I have a cold", or "I have a headache", but not "I have my period", even though, like colds and headaches, it is a natural medical condition - yet unlike those conditions, it does not imply a negative impact on health - on the contrary, menstrual periods are generally considered signs of a healthy female body.

It is true that periods are healthy, but they can also be extremely annoying. Every woman experiences her period differently, so I can't speak for others. But I think part of acknowledging the female existence on this earth, is acknowledging the different ways that different women experience periods. I understand that this goes against centuries of male-propagated menstrual taboos, but I think the fight is worth it. Imagine being able to actually say, "I have my period", when asked why you cancelled your dinner plans - just being able to say those words, to explain the real reason that you're feeling ill or don't feel like seeing anybody, provides you with so much freedom. Truth is empowering.

That's not to say that I think suddenly men will start considering periods sexy; I honestly believe that periods are an extremely unappealing part of how a woman's body works, for the simple reason that blood is unsexy (unless you have a vampire fetish, but let's not go there). So yes, knowing that blood is seeping out of the same part of a woman's anatomy that you stick your dick into - I think that's a completely valid reason to not feel like sticking your dick into it at that exact moment. I also know that this does not bother some men, though the concept of period-sex has always eluded me, for the reason that when I am sad and nauseous, it's kind of hard for me to feel turned on. I think if the sexiest man on earth walked into my room right now, I would just feel too sick to do anything beyond cuddling. I actually see the Bible's taboos on menstrual sex as a mechanism to protect women against rape within marriage: "They haven't invented Midol yet" might not have counted as a valid excuse for the average ancient near eastern husband, in an era before the concept of "rape within marriage" had been properly legally defined. "I'm forbidden" might have been a more palatable excuse.

Which brings me to my own experiences: Some days when I have my period, I can not eat. Other days, I crave food all day long, especially chocolate. Once I even craved tofu. I walk around in something ranging from mild nausea/stomach ache to fullblown stomach virus. I've fainted twice. One of those times was in public, and I was rushed to the emergency room. It was a Friday. Thankfully, the doctor didn't make me spend the night. Most classes that I have missed, I have missed on days when I had my period. It is easier for me to function with fever and strep than with my period (and easier for me to be with guys with fever and strep, though I never understood why the words "I'm on anti-biotics" are not a sufficient deterrent to stop someone from exchanging saliva with you.)

Not all my periods are alike. Some are better than others. Sometimes I will get through an entire period feeling completely normal. But of course, there is not just the period itself - there are also the days leading up to the period. A woman is told to track her period on a calendar. I sometimes forget to do this, but I can generally tell when I am "coming down" with my period, because suddenly, so many things in my life will seem pointless or impossible, because I will feel sad and lonely in a way I just don't when I'm not menstruating (thank God), because I won't feel like seeing or speaking to anyone, sometimes not even to my closest friends, because things I usually consider fun will be annoying, because I will suddenly find myself getting really emotional and crying over something silly. Again, I don't experience all of these things with each period; I usually experience at least one, but degree also matters: If I am walking around feeling slightly lonely, but knowing it's hormonal, that's not so bad. It's the days when I don't feel like getting out of bed, and have to remind myself it's my hormones that are making me feel that way, that the "me" beneath the hormones wants to get out of bed and continue functioning, when the entire thing enabling me to carry out tasks throughout the day is my rationality fighting the feeling that all I want to do is sleep in order to escape myself, that's when it's hard. And yes, it IS my hormones: I am grateful to God that I don't feel that way when I'm not pre-menstrual/going through the first day or two of menstruation.

And of course, there is the delicious horniness that hits me in the week or two before my period, that can grow so potent when the PMS forgets to strike. This makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint: I need to be horny while I ovulate so I can produce babies - and if this crazy monthly blood thing is what enables me to do that, then yes, it's worth it. (Ouch. Cramp as I write this - body, are you trying to test me?)

And yes, there are things I probably could do to minimize the pain. I could walk around hopped up on pain relief meds for a week. I could switch from birth control to birth control, until I found the one that made my period more bearable. I once told a doctor about my periods, and she asked if I wanted anti-depressants to take in the few days before I started menstruating. I was shocked: Not because I am against anti-depressants (I think they do good work WHEN PROPERLY PERSCRIBED) but at the casual way she suggested it, like a girl offering her friend candy - or menstrual chocolate. But you know what? All of these "cures" have consequences: Pain meds have side-effects, and generally make me fall asleep - and it's unhealthy to be hopped up on them for a quarter of your life, even the period-fighting ones, like Midol. Different birth controls have different side effects and risk factors, and getting one's body accustomed to a new birth control pill can be its own long and arudous process. Seasonale, the "four periods a year" birth control, has not been around for long enough to make me comfortable taking it, and it recently had a name-change, which is generally what companies do to cover up a testing glitch on a popular medication. As for anti-depressants: I guess I could go to a shrink and get them perscribed for one week a month, but I'd rather not and I also think that there is no need to, at least in my case. Perhaps other women feel differently, and do take anti-depressants that one week a month; it's their right to do so. But all medicines have side-effects and consequences - so there are no simple solutions.

I also think a lot of these solutions are needed because modern Western society ignores the uniqueness of a woman's menstrual experience. Women have to function normally; if they admitted that for one week out of every four (or even three) they might not feel well, physically or emotionally, they become less profitable, hence less hire-able, and there goes the feminist revolution, and we all go back to being housewives. I am not advocating that women be given special "period days" off from work, but I think periods should be seen as valid personal or sick days, and women shouldn't have to think up creative excuses. If the man and women each use the same amount of sick/personal days, it shouldn't be held against the woman that some of hers were for menstruation and some of his were for a headache.

I also think that a lot of rituals we interpret as "separating" out a menstruating woman, were in their own ways, respecting the uniqueness of a woman's menstrual experience. The woman was not expected to function normally during her period, the fact that she was going through something the non-menstruants were not, something that might make it harder for her to perform all the tasks she does when she doesn't have blood seeping out of her, was recognized. This special - because say whatever you want about it, it is special - time in a woman's life was marked off: There was a ritual to celebrate (or commiserate) the end (or beginning) of her period, demarcating it from the non-menstrual portion of her life. Behind many taboos lies male chauvenism and female disenfranchisement, but behind many taboos - perhaps some of those same taboos - lies an inherent respect for a woman's body, and often women embraced the taboos and made the their own, usurping chauvenistic rituals by using them as a means of female empowerment.

I am a little afraid to publish this, not just because, as I said before, I consider periods unsexy, and publishing unsexy information about myself is something I generally prefer not to do, but also because I'm afraid someday some guy considering dating me might see this, and say, "That girl is crazy when she has her period. I don't want to deal with this." It's nice to say, "The right guy will care enough to see beyond it", but I don't think that's how it works. There might be some awesome guy who'd fall in love with me if we went on a second date, but won't go on a second date with a girl who has tough periods. On the other hand, since I've been in extremely happy relationships before, and my period hasn't made a difference (other than that it sucks if your girlfriend doesn't feel well) in those relationships, I am hopeful that God willing, I will once more find happiness.

But of course, I am not sure how "tough" my periods are. It is generally impossible to compare one corporeal experience to another. We are all bound by the subjectivity of our bodies, and this is a general obstacle to human empathy. But the silence about women's menstrual experiences, means that beyond my circle of close friends, I'm not sure what women experience. I'd like to know. We each go through this common-yet-different experience every month, and we have so much to share and so much to learn from each other. (Come on people. This is a post about periods - you knew when you started reading that it had to end with a plea for hugs and women's empowerment.)

So I hope that my words about my period will be the first of many words that many different women will speak about their period - and perhaps even that different men will speak about how their lives are affected by the menstrual cycles of women close to them, if at all. I know in Orthodox Judaism for example, couples are taught to refrain from period sex, so there has to be an impact.

I did hesitate before publishing this, but Ghandi said "Be the change you wish to see in the world". I wish to live in a world in which women can openly express what they go through during menstruation, without fearing social (or other) consequences. So here goes. Here's to hoping that for every man who reads this and gets turned off, there's another one with a vampire fetish.*


* Note: I am completely joking. I do not have a vampire fetish. If I loved a guy, I'd be willing to try out a vampire fetish or role-play that did not involve menstrual blood, but the idea of it doesn't particularly appeal to me. I read Twighlight, but I never understood how it became a fad - and no, I have not seen the movies.