Thoughts on Ritual Egalitarianism

Many of my friends have an assumption that an Orthodox woman is by default less liberated than her non-Orthodox counterpart. I reject this assumption; there are many facets of life to be liberated in. One of those facets is the ritual realm. However, the fact that one is liberated in that realm does not necessarily mean that one is liberated in the others, nor does the fact that one is not liberated in that realm mean that one is not liberated in the others. Thus, while an Orthodox woman may be less liberated in the ritual realm, she may be more liberated in other realms, leading to an overall equality between the Orthodox and non-Orthodox women.

For example, I recently noticed that, in my college's egalitarian minyan which mostly serves professors, all of the women were sitting outside of the minyan, watching the children, while the men prayed. Meanwhile, an Orthodox man was watching his children, while his wife prayed in the Orthodox minyan. My Orthodox friend has an even split of housework with her husband, while I know a Reform woman who feels pressure to be the primary house-chore person and caretaker in her home.

I feel that ultimately, freeing women from the expectation that they will automatically be the primary caretaker and primary household chore person, will liberate women - both in terms of career, and by giving them time to be present in public Jewish communal events, such as prayers, regardless of their denomination - is more important than ritual egalitarianism, which I do not equate with ritual equality. Part of this involves educating men, teaching them that they must be equally responsible for childcare and household chores, as the de facto position, though they may of course work out various differing arrangements with their significant other, as opposed to now, where the de facto is that it is primarily the woman's responsibility, but various differing arrangements may be worked out between different couples.

Furthermore, with the rise of partnership minyanim and increased women's presence in the pulpit either by being congregational educators or maharats, I think the ritual gap for women in Orthodox Judaism is lessening, making it more on par with other streams of Judaism. I suppose this is still not 100% egalitarianism, since women can only perform certain parts of the service - which many minyanim reserve for women, in order to counter-act that parts of the service are reserved for men - and women do not have the title "rabbi". As a Jew however, I believe that upholding the halacha ultimately trumps feminism: If women are living fully liberated lives, where they can have fulfilling careers, etc., and can perform some but not all public rituals due to halacha, I think that, given that the halacha is, at that point, presenting an inconvenience, like not eating pork, as opposed to causing major distress, the halacha must be respected. Or, to put it another way: I have a looser definition of "equality" - as long as the ways in which men are empowered and women are not are extremely few and minor, and are balanced out by certain way women are empowered but men are not, then I think that, since true equality may be impossible to achieve, there are certain things not fighting for. I think that these ritual inequalities will lose much of their significance when the playing field is leveled in other realms - which is part of why I think the focus should be on fighting for equality in terms of home roles.

Some might argue that exclusion from parts of ritual causes much more distress than eating pork, however, I believe - though I have no proof - that most women who grow up with the understanding that they can not be rabbis or lead a service the way a man can, do not feel distress about it the same way that women brought up with that expectation do. Orthodox women do - that is, they feel distress, but it is not the type of distress that would still be great after inclusion in a partnership minyan, rather, it is the distress of wanting to be counted in some way, or to lead a service/lein, or give a public shiur - all needs that partnership minyanim and maharat type programs can satisfy. Of course, there are some Orthodox women who feel as much or more distress than their non-Orthodox counterparts, and whose distress will not go away as a result of partnership minyanim and maharat programs. But there might also be someone born with an insane desire for pork. The nature of a religion that has laws, is that some people will feel very oppressed by those laws, because it is impossible for a set of laws to appeal to anyone, instead, it must orient itself towards the majority for the laws to be practical and enforceable. I think we tend to engage in apologetics, but the truth is: Sometimes halacha can be hard, but it is still halacha, and as Jews, it is our task to grapple with that.

A last point: Sometimes I wonder if the egalitarian movement within Judaism has not internalized misogyny: It works of an assumption that the traditionally male roles - leading a service, donning teffilin, being a rabbi - are superior, and the only way to be fully involved as Jews, and that, therefore, those roles must be made available to women. But what makes these roles superior, if not the fact that they have traditionally been done by men? Perhaps praying alone is superior to praying communally, donning tefillin is an alternative but not superior way to connect to God, just as lighting shabbat candles is, and being a rabbi is one of many occupations that allow one to serve the community and connect with the Divine - this does not mean that these roles should not be available to women, since women should have all alternatives on the table, but it does dictate a different attitude towards these roles than I currently see in more liberal streams of Judaism. Furthermore, what about opening the traditional women's roles - of lighting shabbat candles, performing hachnassat orchid, maybe even of going to mikvah in response to certain physical activities connected to one's sexual organs - to men? True equality can not be unidirectional.