Two Short Thoughts

While I generally try to make this blog theoretical and not personal, I would like to note to instances that have happened to me this week that I think are telling about my community:

1. I bumped into a woman and we discussed her son's engagment. She blessed me that I, like her son, should be lucky enough to find my right match - when I was ready. This last phrase, "when you are ready", made me extremely grateful. I have long said that I do not beleive there is a "right" time to marry; there is a right person, and your job is to pursue the life you want and to become the person you want to be, and hope that as a natural progression, this path will lead you to meet that person. However, I often meet people who assume that because I am unmarried, I must be desperately seeking but not finding, or must be failing at seeking. In either case, the solution is to propose set-ups or advise me of dating opportunities. This works off of a basic assumption that I am currently ready to get married and it is (or should be) a priority in my life. In fact however, while I am open to the possibility of marriage in the near future, my focus right now is on myself, and that is a situation I am comfortable with. I am also comfortable with that focus shifting - even in the immediate future - if I develop a serious relationship. Because of this, the phrase "when you are ready" made me grateful, because it took into account the possibility that right now, I might not be, or I might have other priorities.

2. Someone I know is getting a divorce, and I have no idea how to deal with the situation. Our community seems to have guidelines for dealing with marriage, with birth and with death, but not with divorce. I am not sure how to be there for someone - especially someone who is not a super-close friend -in a situation like this. It is unfortunate that there is a higher divorce rate now than there once was, but perhaps, in response to these changes, it would be good for our communities to develop guidelines, and to have support groups for members going through a divorce.