I went out today and bought a Hebrew novel, and even set aside the time to read that novel. Then, what should have been a minor glitch occured: I wanted chocolate. I am a serious chocoholic: I can go months without it, but the minute I have one taste, I want more, and can finish a box of chocolates like its a cup of coffee. So it was silly of me to give myself that "taste" over shabbat - but I did.
Instead of going out and buying chocolate, I tried to resist, the net result being that I wasted time on my computer because I couldn't focus on the book, or on anything, due to chocolate cravings combined with caffeine cravings (I had only had 1 cup of coffee today). Finally after 2 hours, I bought myself chocolate and caffeine.
I wondered why I felt so guilty about wanting this peice of chocolate, and realized: I was terrified of gaining weight. Now, I am a pretty confident person, who is also pretty aware of the way that the media tries to brainwash me into wanting to be a size two.
I also beleive that, at least in terms of real relationships (as opposed to one-night stands, which I have no interest of pursuing for the moment), the ability to not care about eating the peice of chocolate is much sexier than any extra pounds gained as a result of the chocolate.
I wanted to post this just to show the degree to which the media's image of "stick-skinny = sexy/ if you gain even one pound you'll no longer be attractive" has permeated our culture and affects the lives of women on an individual level. I think I have less body-image issues than most, but even I, a media-savvy feminist, can not help but be affected sometimes.
So next time you see Cosmo at the supermarket, take a look around - it's likely one of the women at the supermarket that you see has been negatively affected by that magazine, or others like it, likely that a woman you know - or maybe even you yourself - has felt fat or ugly or otherwise inadequate because of those "women's magazines".
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