Education 2

In general, I have been thinking a lot recently about how I want to raise my future children (God willing). Don't get me wrong - I hve no immediate plans to have children. I am not in a serious relationship, and even if I were, I think ideally it is good to wait two years after marriage before even trying to have kids. Also, I would want to be more financially stable before producing offspring whose financial (as well as emotional) well-being I'm responsible for.

So why am I thinking about this topic? 1. Social pressure 2. Many of my friends now are married/have kids 3. Spending lots of time in family environments, so one sees things other families do and thinks "I like that", or "I don't like that" 4. Parent issues causing me to think about my own childhood and hence what I'd want my kids' childhoods to be like 5. Evolution 6. I am at a stage where while I am happy with my life as it is, I can also envision being in a relationship that leads to marriage and settling down - yes, scary, I know. Me, the uber-feminist, caving into the desire for this patriarchal institution.

Anyhow, because of this, the issue of a child's education - especially their religious and their ethical educations - have been on my mind, and its why I found tonight's conversation so gratifying. I know the values I want to raise my children with (kindness, openness, an ability to ask questions, a sense of fun and wonder at this world, a love of learning), as well as random other stuff - for example, I want there to be "cookie-baking Thursdays", I want a part of the wall designated as a parsha mural where my kids can draw their feelings about the parsha, and I want every Rosh Chodesh to be a dress-up day. I also want to have special themed days where I teach the kids about different historical eras and we do activities related to that. I also want to be able to eat dinner with my kids most days of the week, which I know is not great for my career prospects, but is really important to me. (At the same time, having a date-night with my husband at least once a week is also really important to me, even if that date involves hiring a sitter and going for a one-hour walk in the park.)

I think living in a family household has had a lot to do with my thinking about child-rearing: Today I explained to a little boy how sometimes we get angry at people we love, and that's ok, but anger is different from hate, so instead of saying he hates his sister, we should discuss what she is doing that makes him angry, and I also spoke to him about prayer. Having these types of conversations with little children is both enlightening and enjoyable. My friend - the child's father - discussed how hard it is to raise children to be religous without raising them to be fundamentalists, but I said that maybe you do teach things to children a bit more "black and white", when they are younger, and then you keep on opening up the same conversation topics as they grow older, increasing the complexity of your discussions, and that you also encourage them to ask questions and teach that every question is ok, so that they feel comfortable coming to you and approaching you in conversation, and that's how you raise open kids who aren't fundamentalists.

For example, the song "Hashem is here. Hashem is there. Hashem is truly everywhere" might be a simplification, but I don't think a five-year-old is harmed from knowing the song, and if you encourage your child to ask questions and they feel comfortable approaching you, when they are older, they might have a discussion with you about beleif in God, which could be more complex and "gray". I don't know - I don't have kids - but I think these are things you need to start thinking about way before you have kids, because raising human beings is one of the most important and delicate tasks someone can do, so it takes a lifetime of preparation.