Notes on Previous Tzniut, Education, and Shomer Negiah Posts

Men also want to look attractive to women, but this does not involve low-cut shirts, high heels or makeup. Interestingly, with the hyper-sexualization of society has come an increased pressure on men to work out in order to be more attractive to women, as well as to use hair care products, dress well, etc.

What must be asked is whether the standard of tzniut, no matter which standard it is, is being done from a place of yirat shamayim and internalizing the value of tzniut, or whether it comes from societal conformity and/or desire to do what is most convenient, regardless of halacha.

Jewish education in general is a major problem, for both genders. But my point is that the level and type of adequate/high level Jewish education for men and women differ.


This societally-based view of ervah, like those above it, is referring to the norm set by Jewish society. Thus, as more and more Orthodox women choose to cover their arms until their elbows, they may in fact be turning that part of the body into ervah, even if one does follow this lenient minority view of societal ervah.

Today, people are often taught to be shomer because pre-marital sex is bad or immoral. They are taught that kissing is as bad as pre-marital sex, thus discouraging boundaries, since if one is as bad as the other, once you are kissing, why not go further if they are both equally sinful, as violations of shomer laws. They are not taught the seriousness of the nidah prohibitions or taught to think of shomer in terms of nidah. Thus, many people who choose not to be shomer are not aware of the full halachik weight of their actions, since they often don’t even realize or have not been thought to conceive of their actions as violations of nidah issurs possibly resulting in karet. A lot of this lack of education comes from squeemishness on behalf of the Orthodox establishment to tackle issues of sexuality. The Gemarah and even the Torah did not refrain from speaking openly of sex when for a religious reason, and neither should we, especially if the purpose is to educate people to prevent them from sinning.

A great book on this subject is the Orthodox Forum’s book “Gender Issues: In Marriage and Out”. The Orthodox Forum should be commended for tackling tough issues facing Orthodoxy today, including issues of gender and sexuality.