Yom Kippur and Sexism

My university's newspaper had two sexist articles in the same issue, one of which made fun of fat girls, and the other which was about getting girls drunk to sleep with them. This article released a wave of feminist anger on-campus, and then a wave of anti-feminist anger at the feminist anger. I wrote this in response to it and decided to post it to the blog:

Yesterday, I faced God and asked Him/Her to forgive me for any times in the past year that I desecrated Her/His name.

Today, I read sexist articles and articles about the sexist articles. And somehow yesterday's confession came back to haunt me, as I realized how easy it is to criticize our own.

Judaism is my religion. My relationship with it is complex, but it is mine. That is why, of all the parts of the Yom Kippur liturgy, one of the parts that speaks to me most is when we tell God, "We are Your designated, and You are our designated", or, to sum it up using corny love-songs, "You are my destiny".

And of course, because I feel that sense of passionate belonging, I am quick to criticize. After all, it is much easier to notice the flaws of the person you love and see every day than the person you feel a vague sense of camaraderie for who you see once a week.

My feminist critique of Judaism is not the subject of this note, but I believe I am generally pretty verbal about it. Something I am less verbal about however, is my critique of modern Western culture.

This is a culture that objectifies all people, but especially women. It is a culture that judges people by their bodies, that paints women as virgins/sluts, and men as either players, or losers, if they actually decide to not screw another woman (or should I say: sex object who happens to be a woman? No, our culture is way to hetero-normative/homophobic for me to say that) every other night. The sexual revolution has given women the right to say yes, but women -and men - have lost the right to say no.

This brings me to some of the positive things I have to say about Judaism and women:

Judaism values women as human beings created in the image of God. Not only are they equal to men, but they are even said to possess a special wisdom that men lack.

The laws of modesty are aimed at preventing the objectification of women, while the laws of niddah prevent a woman from being merely a body to her husband. The laws of taharat hamishpacha protect a woman's right to say no. Think about the fact that rape within marriage is a fairly modern concept, and that women often are in bad moods or physically not feeling well during their period, then think about how thousands of years ago, the Torah ensured that men and women don't sleep together during that time - and it all begins to make sense.

Judaism was one of the first religions to recognize a woman's rights within marriage. The entire idea of a ketubah and a gett was to protect women both in marriage and divorce. The Torah recognized not only a woman's rights to be clothed and fed by her husband (remember, this is before women could have independent careers), but a woman's right to sexual satisfaction within marriage, and the Talmud believes that sexual dis-satisfaction is a legitimate reason for a woman to seek divorce. (As for the gett issue: Just remember that according to Talmudic law, one can whip a man to make him give his wife a gett. I'm sure if the Israeli Rabbinate abided by that law, there would be a lot less men who would refuse to give getts.)

I know I probably am beginning to sound like an apologist. But I am not. I assure you, I have many issues with women's role in Jewish law and tradition. But it is important to remember, that secular culture's view of women is no less sexist and disempowering than Judaism's. People often discuss Jewish Orthodox sexism as if it were a choice, between the non-sexist non-Orthodox world, and the sexist Orthodox world, but in fact, both worlds are sexist, though in different ways.

And I will choose the Orthodox world, because despite its sexism, it recognizes women as human beings who are more than simply sex objects. I wish I could say that secular culture does the same. So choosing between the culture that discriminates against me while recognizing me as a human being with inherent value, and the one that discriminates against me and does not recognize my humanity, I will choose the former.

But in the end, it all comes back to those words we say on Yom Kippur, "We are Your designated, You are our designated".

Here's to praying for a sexism-free world.